Wonderful Weekend!

The trip to Niagara to see Air Supply was a wonderful idea!! We had a really nice time. Russell, of Air Supply called it the Fogview Casino and how right he was! They really put on a nice show, and memories were just flooding back! After the concert you could see just a small corner of the falls but all day you saw absolutely nothing! Our hotel was right across from the casino and most of the time you could not even see the casino for the fog! We did absolutely NO gambling in either casino in Niagara because the taqble limits were too high and the crowds were just too much and the feeling was too intense. We did however stop at the casino in Brantford on the way home and did manage an hour or so of blackjack so all was not lost! I am super tired tonight, probably from so much walking and activityand my head was really bugging me from itching and sweating! I am not used to wearing my wig for such long periods! I think next weekend when I go to the retreat I will just spend more time being comfortable and wear a scarf or cap and forgo the wig for all day long!

It is going to feel very weird on Tuesday to not be going for my chemo. It would have been the halfway mark for the chemo portion of my treatment, but that will come soon enough next week.
Have a great week everyone, I know I am going to, but plan on catching up on rest!
Shirley

Check-up Week

Well today was my day with the bloodwork and oncologist. As predicted, white count and platlets were low, (normal for 2 weeks post chemo) and my energy level is a testimony to that fact. It would, however likely rise enough for chemo next week. However because it is good for me psychologically, Dr Donahue has agreed that it may be best for me to skip chemo next week and go off for my retreat in fairly good health. SHe said the added psychological benefits would be best for me at this time. Yeaaaaah! She says that although not ideal, there would be no bad reprocussions with a delay.
This news has me so psyched! Madscrappers here I come!

Shirley

The Good Week

has finally arrived! My friend Connie went on a little shopping escape with me the other day and I spent some money that was earmarked for my now gone trip to Europe! and bought another wig! I just love it and I had the bangs cut on the other one and now I like it too! I also bought some big fancy earings and a few T shirts. From Sat on everything has looked a lot brighter. I made a decision to talk with the doctor this week and see whether or not a delay in chemo would hurt me or my percentages in anyway. Psychologically it would help me so much. Everything that was planned in my life just seems to be on a chemo week and I would be so much happier if I could just move everything back a week. So tomorrow we will see what she says.

I had my repeat Ultra Sound today, man was that hard! I had to drink a ple of water and hold it for 2 hours to make sure my bladder was ready to rupture!! I doubt if the results will be in by the time I see the doctor tomorrow. Tomorrow they will check my blood and make sure that the white count is good enough for another go round. Golly it sure doesn't take long before one is upon you!
Have a great day
SHirley

Pity Party Over...........for now

much better evening! I had a friend invite me to a little getaway and once I decided the hell with it, climbed out of the little hole I dug for myself, and accepted I felt sooo much better! I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!! We are going to see Air Supply (which I quarentee will make me cry) but they will be happy tears of memories of the past and a few hours of forgeting where I am and what is happening! Tomorrow looks brighter already!
Shirley

Hard Part of Blog Writing

I have come to realize that the hardest part of blog writing is opening yourself up to scrutiny while being honest with your feelings. I try so hard to be positive but lately it is just not working and feel like I am being sucked into a tunnel of evil depression. Rob trys to make suggestions about what I should do to try and feel a little better but I take them as a personal slight....why doesn't he understand that I want to feel better, I just can't. Every day I feel like I am losing everything that I have gained in the past year. I have no muscle tone left, I want to exercise but I just do not have the energy for it. Maybe it would have been better to have fallen apart earlier on in this journey. I remember a friend asking me when I was going to cry....well the day has come and it just won't stop.
Sorry to be on a downer but I have to be honest with myself and with you in order to find my way out.
Hope tomorrow is a better day
SHirley

Coming Out of the Fog

Well as things go today is a relatively positive day. Had trouble sleeping last night. That happened last time too, after the first week of sleep none stop all of a sudden I can't sleep at all! Heartburn is the order of the day and generally starts about 5pm and last night lasted until about 3am before I could finally go to sleep about 7 gaviscon later! I have taken to making my own ice cappicinnos and that helps alot with the heartburn but does little for the waistline!

I had big plans to do something today but am feeling far too lazy. I made myself a cap for my head, which turned out not too bad, at least now I have something green to wear for St Patricks day! Another couple of days and then I will have my "free" week, where life just isn't too bad! But we all know what is right around the corner!!

I have another Ultrasound on the 19th to have a look at whatever was wrong with the first one done! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING!!! Dr is not too concerned about it thinking likely a cyst or fat pad on my kidney or bladder or whatever. So will defer to her judgement and not worry too much about it.
Thats it for now, hope everyone is enjoying their March break!
Later kids
Shirley

I am Such a Derelict!

Sorry for not having posted for a few days. Chemo on Tues went as planned and this time with the new drug cocktail I have not been as nauseated and have not had any puking so that is the good news. But the rest of the side effects persist. The metal mouth just adds to any nausea that is lingering as does the heartburn. The worst of it is the persistant fatigue. Yesterday spent at least 18 hours in bed!! yes ...sleeping!! who can possibly sleep that much! Another couple of days and I should be back to a semblance of normal and can hardly wait. Rest assured that I am okay and will be more talkative in a day or too.
shirley

Take a deep Breath!

I have decided to take a deep breath and show my "bald" photo. As we wait for spring I know I do not want to be wearing hot hats etc all the time and evetually someone will sho up at the house and see me as I am! so lets just get it over with. If Brittany can show it all so can I!!

AS for post chemo everything is going just great this time! Have obviously found the right "cocktail for me! Some slight queasyiness but no real nausea and more important no pucking!!!!! Very tired and out of it with these drugs but I think it is a good trade off.

Did I mention that my port-a-cath has become my new best friend, every bit of pain getting it was well worth it as access was a breeze!! I love it and it is healing well with no sign of the dreaded infection I was so worried about!
Hope you are all having as good a day as me, lazing about in bed with some computer time!
later kids
SHirley

2nd Chemo done!

so far so good! It has now been over 6 hours since my chemo finished and I feel just fine. No nausea, no vomiting. I have to admit I was extrenley hunger again but tempered it a bit and just had a small meal at supper, and lots of dry crackers, popsicles and rice cakes since coming home. Drinking fluids as required to flush the epirubicin and cyclophospamide.
They equipped me with a whole new arsenol of drugs, to try to prevent side effects, all of which have warnings for drowsiness, and they are what they say......extreme drowsiness is right! I came home and went to bed and slept until after Rob came home at 4. I all really zonked but trying to sit up for awhile and update you all, while I can. I can handle sleep much bettter than sleep and puking!!! Forgive me any spelling or grammar fauz pahs! One of the scripts I have , but have not filled is for an oral equivalent of marajauna and she said if I have access to feel free to smoke it if I become nauseated! am I dreaming or is life looking up! LOL, intotal I think I have 7 drugs lined up on my dresser and still one yet filled. Here is hoping! If this goes well then I should be good to go to Hamilton at the end of the month!

Well thats it for now, will give you an update in the morning if possible but I am heading back to bed.
later kids
Shirley
ps don't pay any attention to the timelines on here I don't know how to change them!!

Deed Done!

Well I have done the deed and my hair is no longer a part of me! I decided to take the clippers to it today myself rather than waiting for Rob to come home to do it, in case I needed a private moment. It actually was not as momentous or emotional as I was expecting! I have always had a birthmark at my scalp line at the back of my head, but I NEVER knew it was so big!! Lots of little stubble to take care of yet but will get Rob to help with that later tonight. Not brave enough to post a picture yet but I will eventually.
later kids
Shirley

Nothing really new today to tell you. I am feeling good, trying to drink my water that I have to have before chemo tomorrow. Other than that am busy trying to get a few things done around the house in expectation of having some down time.
I got out the clippers last night and just stared at them!! Still have hair although some really thin areas are showing through. Trying to decide whether to keep it for tomorrow or just get it off before I feel puky!
Got a parcel sent off to my daughter Michelle and her husband and grandbaby Vanessa, in Germany. They all have birthdays starting on March 29th then April 3rd and April 6th!! Included a few things for the new baby that is due May 4th! (couldn't help myself...baby shopping is such fun!) I have a few other little things to get done before tomorrow.

If it is like the last time, I will get a post off before I go down for the count....I had about 4-5 good hours post chemo last time before I got sick so hopefully this time is not as bad!
later kids
SHirley

Today I had to go for an abdominal ultrasound at the hospital. Was supposed to be a routine test but I have to tell you I left with some bad vibes! I don't profess to know anything about these things but I was getting awfully nervous as the tecxh was spending an inordinate amount of time in one area measuring and taking pictures he kept doing it over and over. Maybe that is normal and thorough but it left me wondering!! When it was over he started asking me if I had history of bladder or kidney infections. I have only had one in my life and that was many years ago...about 1988. ?? Now I have to wait until I see a doctor again to get some reassurance/answers I guess. Who would have thought I would be anxious for a chemo day just to see a doctor!!

On a brighter note...I still have hair today...hanging on by a thread! lots of hair in the tub after shampooing but still more on my head than off. I feel like I live in a house full of cats or something and am constanly trying to wipe hair off my face! Soon this will get to me more than losing my hair and bam! it is out of here!
Have a good one!
Shirley

Well I am trying to add a picture of the pre bald do! having some trouble bear with me ... WOW that's big!

....well I managed to get it smaller so you are not too overwhelmed!

I have decided that today is to be a day of commemoration ( if that is a word!) and a good day to start journaling my journey with breast cancer. Over the past few days my hair has been slowly thinning and yet today it is coming out full tilt and will probably be gone in a day or so unless I take matters into my own hand and buzz it off. I have known that this day was coming yet am reluctant to give in to it at this point.
On Thursday, my sister Melissa took me to St Joseph's Hospital in London for the insertion of a port-a-cath. It was implanted in the right side of my chest and is a lot more painful than I expected! This was done to try and preserve the veins in my right arm and will be the access for all further chemo. Speaking of which, the second is fast approaching. I will be having chemo again on Tuesday, March 6, so expect to be out of communication for a day or two if it is anything like the first time.
Once I get the hang of this blog thing I will try and post a picture of my "new" short hairdo...and if brave enough will post when it is gone!
Stay tuned....
Shirley