broken water heater!

of all things! Filled the tub, it was a murky yellow and only got about 2 inches before the water turned cold!!! had to heat up water to have a bath! New one coming tomorrow!

Went to see the surgeon today for follow up after having the port a cath removed. Other than a second scarring from the tapes used all is well. We talked a bit about further surgery. Originally I wanted my reconstruction ASAP, now I am starting to waver and think why not just have the other one off and be done with it. I think it is mostly fear of getting cancer in the other breast that is swaying my decision. Will be thinking long and hard about it and if I have any readers left you will likely get sick of hearing about it as I am not going to be making a snap decision.

Must forgive chemo / radiation brain!!

for ages I have not been able to remember my sign in for this dang blog!
Quick update!
- my hair is growing, salt and pepper but very thick and a bit curly! Actually I kind of like it!

-finished chemo at the end of June and started radiation 3 weeks later.

- Dr was VERY aggressive with the radiation- that's ok- I approve of all things that will cure me.

-major radiation burns, started week 3 and continued until finished Sept 1st! 6 1/2 weeks in total! Most people if they get boosts, apparently get 4-5, I got 8!! Lived braless for 6 weeks and went through so many tubes of flamazine that the pharmacy thought I was selling it on the black market LOL. The last area of my skin closed and stopped draining Sept 20th. Have a couple scare like areas from the burns but hopefully they will fade in time.

-3 of the best friends in the world surprised me by paying for a trip to Vegas!! We left Sept 16th, which as it turned out was in hindsight a little soon for me and I was exhausted, but it was still wonderful to get away and I was smart enough to rest a lot in my room. Not my usual Vegas vacation but fun none the less!

-Orignianlly I wanted to have reconstruction ASAP!!!, I have now realized that I am not as strong as I wish myself to be and that it will take some time to return to "normal" and am no content to wait for however long it takes before I face anything so major!

-just before we left for Vegas I had to have a repeat cystoscopy (done every 3 months) and the bladder remains clear from cancer tumors!!

-on returning from Vegas I had my port- a - cath out and that made me feel like I was at the end of the hideous journey and can now just concentrate on rest and relaxation in preparation for my return to the REAL world!!

- will do my best to keep you informed but will be very mundane, guess what I am gardening again type of entry!! looking forward to just being healthy!
Shirley

WELL HASN'T IT BEEN ALMOST FOREVER!!

To many excuses this time around.
After the surgery, the chemo directly following that was a rough one! but made it through it in time to participate in the relay for life! Did the survivors lap and was inspired by the number of walkers and the years they were announced to have been cancer free! Next year I expect to have a number attached to my name! The great girls I work with had a whole team entered in the rlay and looked like they were in for a great night of fun and food!

This week I "graduated" as I had my last chemo treatment for the breast cancer. I go for my markings, "tatoos" for the radiation on JUne 26th and will officially start the next part of the journey at that time. I am scheduled to started bladder cancer treatments on July 12th. So shaping up to be an interesting summer indeed! (NOT)

I am going to make my follow up appointment with my surgeon and will be getting my name on a list for plastic surgery soon, that is very exciting and hope the wait is not too awful long as I would like to get back to work as early as Oct- Nov.

Have finally resolved some of my financial woes and looks like my disability cheques are now finally being deposited. YEAH!! was not much fun in April or May!

Hope to be going up to visit some friends in Walkerton before the start of the next round of treatment, more just to get away for a bit and maybe have a laugh or too.

My hair was staring to grow in but now has started to fall out again! Whats up with that??? maybe it is just the peach fuzz leaving and the real hair will now grow???
Taking it one day at a time
till next time
Shirley

Doing Well

after the surgery on Friday. Dr did a great job with the cautery and there was very little bleeding.
So little in fact that I got my catheter out early and got to come home a day early! Looks like I will have to have chemo for the bladder but right now I just find that to be a nuisance and am not afraid of it! Just one more hurdle to climb.

Tomorrow is my second to last chemo and I have already got my first appt for the radiation markings so things are moving right along.

Taking one day at a time!
Shirley

Been Awhile

since I have posted...I am such a derelict (sp?) Surgery is booked for the 18th, luckey me! the Friday of the long weekend. They say I will be in hospital about 3 days but the Dr winked and said that I could likely get out early with homecare! LOL
Been keeping busy with gardening but a little tires me out! Have Dr appts almost every day this week but have some friends coming to visit and am looking forward to that.
Haven't heard much from the family over the pond but I know Michelle is busy with babe and toddler!
My youngest has bought a house and guess when the moving date is?................the 18th!

Been feeling okay, will be having my bloodcounts checked tomorrow. The next chemo has been pushed back a week and will be after the surgery. The chemo for the bladder will follow the first chemo.....what fun!
talk soon
Shirley

SOME GOOD NEWS FOR A CHANGE

Today Nana Shirl proudly announces that she has a brand new grandbaby! No details as of yet other that it is a little girl. and Mom and Babe are happy and healthy and Dad is much more relaxed. Tomorrow was the day I was supposed to leave to go to GErmany for this baby's birth. Guess I would have missed it anyway!
Do you see mama in the little babe? I do! zero in on the chin!
Take care talk to you soon.
Shirley

NEWS NOT GOOD

Well I had a great time visiitng with my cousin last week.
Monday went to the urologist and he made arrangements for a cysto which I had today.
Verdict is in and I have multiple bladder tumors. Will likely be having surgery in 2 weeks if my blood count is good enough. Other than that I know nothing other than he was encouraging that it was causght early, before I had any symptoms. Was actually found by mistake so I guess that is a good thing!
I would like to wipe that smile off my face right now cause I really am not all that haoppy right now.
Extra prayers from all would be appreciated.
I suspect that this will be a whole newe round of chemo and radiation after the first set is done, but who knows what to expect...
will try and get it together and talk to you soon.
Shirl

It's been Awhile!

It has been a bit of a bad week! But the worst is now behind me. The last chemo set me back abit, but a new week has begun, and I am ready for it! Got out into the garden today and also got on my treadmill for the first time in 4 months!! Spring is about to actually happen! Feels so good to be out of the sleepy phase!

Lots happening, my youngest has bought a house, my oldest has gone to Florida and my daughter is awaiting her 2nd baby! My littlest grandbaby turned 2 last week and her mom and dad both also had birthdays!

Looking forward to my cousin coming next week! Always fun to have her around.

Started to get mouth sores again but I think I have nipped it in the bud! Club soda is awesome for stopping them!

I have started a digital scrapbook course and am determined to master it! will have to post my layouts!
till later

HALF WAY POINT WITH CHEMO

Todays's chemo marks the halfway point. BUT, all is not as well as it should be. It appears that I have a 1.2cm "nodule" on my bladder that needs some investigation. Dr Donahue thinks it is highly unlikely that it has anything to do with the breast cancer, but may be a cancer onto itself!! So I guess that means it is a good thing I got breast cancer so I can find out what else is wrong with this rapidly aging body! She is setting up an appointment with a urologist to arrange for a cysto and biopsy of this tumor. And so the rollercoaster just keeps on going! I also have to have more bloodwork done to find out what is up with my throid, as she says I have a goiter! So I have to wonder what else could go wrong.

On an up note I had a fabulous time away last weekend (sans alcohol) seemed funny to hear others getting pie eyed and me perfectly stone cold sober! not the usual way of these things. But my liver has quite a lot of work to do these days clearing these toxic drugs from my body, so I will not make it work harder than it has too. Got lots and lots of scrapbooking done, another first for me, as my social wanderings were limited. Didn't get a whole lot of sleep but figured that after chemo I sleep for days on end so will surly get caught up. Once this whole thing is over I will be searching for a cheap holiday even if it is only for 3-4 days. I will need the break!

Likely will be a day or two checking back in unless there is something new to tell, going to bed now ....night!
SHirley

Wonderful Weekend!

The trip to Niagara to see Air Supply was a wonderful idea!! We had a really nice time. Russell, of Air Supply called it the Fogview Casino and how right he was! They really put on a nice show, and memories were just flooding back! After the concert you could see just a small corner of the falls but all day you saw absolutely nothing! Our hotel was right across from the casino and most of the time you could not even see the casino for the fog! We did absolutely NO gambling in either casino in Niagara because the taqble limits were too high and the crowds were just too much and the feeling was too intense. We did however stop at the casino in Brantford on the way home and did manage an hour or so of blackjack so all was not lost! I am super tired tonight, probably from so much walking and activityand my head was really bugging me from itching and sweating! I am not used to wearing my wig for such long periods! I think next weekend when I go to the retreat I will just spend more time being comfortable and wear a scarf or cap and forgo the wig for all day long!

It is going to feel very weird on Tuesday to not be going for my chemo. It would have been the halfway mark for the chemo portion of my treatment, but that will come soon enough next week.
Have a great week everyone, I know I am going to, but plan on catching up on rest!
Shirley

Check-up Week

Well today was my day with the bloodwork and oncologist. As predicted, white count and platlets were low, (normal for 2 weeks post chemo) and my energy level is a testimony to that fact. It would, however likely rise enough for chemo next week. However because it is good for me psychologically, Dr Donahue has agreed that it may be best for me to skip chemo next week and go off for my retreat in fairly good health. SHe said the added psychological benefits would be best for me at this time. Yeaaaaah! She says that although not ideal, there would be no bad reprocussions with a delay.
This news has me so psyched! Madscrappers here I come!

Shirley

The Good Week

has finally arrived! My friend Connie went on a little shopping escape with me the other day and I spent some money that was earmarked for my now gone trip to Europe! and bought another wig! I just love it and I had the bangs cut on the other one and now I like it too! I also bought some big fancy earings and a few T shirts. From Sat on everything has looked a lot brighter. I made a decision to talk with the doctor this week and see whether or not a delay in chemo would hurt me or my percentages in anyway. Psychologically it would help me so much. Everything that was planned in my life just seems to be on a chemo week and I would be so much happier if I could just move everything back a week. So tomorrow we will see what she says.

I had my repeat Ultra Sound today, man was that hard! I had to drink a ple of water and hold it for 2 hours to make sure my bladder was ready to rupture!! I doubt if the results will be in by the time I see the doctor tomorrow. Tomorrow they will check my blood and make sure that the white count is good enough for another go round. Golly it sure doesn't take long before one is upon you!
Have a great day
SHirley

Pity Party Over...........for now

much better evening! I had a friend invite me to a little getaway and once I decided the hell with it, climbed out of the little hole I dug for myself, and accepted I felt sooo much better! I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!! We are going to see Air Supply (which I quarentee will make me cry) but they will be happy tears of memories of the past and a few hours of forgeting where I am and what is happening! Tomorrow looks brighter already!
Shirley

Hard Part of Blog Writing

I have come to realize that the hardest part of blog writing is opening yourself up to scrutiny while being honest with your feelings. I try so hard to be positive but lately it is just not working and feel like I am being sucked into a tunnel of evil depression. Rob trys to make suggestions about what I should do to try and feel a little better but I take them as a personal slight....why doesn't he understand that I want to feel better, I just can't. Every day I feel like I am losing everything that I have gained in the past year. I have no muscle tone left, I want to exercise but I just do not have the energy for it. Maybe it would have been better to have fallen apart earlier on in this journey. I remember a friend asking me when I was going to cry....well the day has come and it just won't stop.
Sorry to be on a downer but I have to be honest with myself and with you in order to find my way out.
Hope tomorrow is a better day
SHirley

Coming Out of the Fog

Well as things go today is a relatively positive day. Had trouble sleeping last night. That happened last time too, after the first week of sleep none stop all of a sudden I can't sleep at all! Heartburn is the order of the day and generally starts about 5pm and last night lasted until about 3am before I could finally go to sleep about 7 gaviscon later! I have taken to making my own ice cappicinnos and that helps alot with the heartburn but does little for the waistline!

I had big plans to do something today but am feeling far too lazy. I made myself a cap for my head, which turned out not too bad, at least now I have something green to wear for St Patricks day! Another couple of days and then I will have my "free" week, where life just isn't too bad! But we all know what is right around the corner!!

I have another Ultrasound on the 19th to have a look at whatever was wrong with the first one done! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING!!! Dr is not too concerned about it thinking likely a cyst or fat pad on my kidney or bladder or whatever. So will defer to her judgement and not worry too much about it.
Thats it for now, hope everyone is enjoying their March break!
Later kids
Shirley

I am Such a Derelict!

Sorry for not having posted for a few days. Chemo on Tues went as planned and this time with the new drug cocktail I have not been as nauseated and have not had any puking so that is the good news. But the rest of the side effects persist. The metal mouth just adds to any nausea that is lingering as does the heartburn. The worst of it is the persistant fatigue. Yesterday spent at least 18 hours in bed!! yes ...sleeping!! who can possibly sleep that much! Another couple of days and I should be back to a semblance of normal and can hardly wait. Rest assured that I am okay and will be more talkative in a day or too.
shirley

Take a deep Breath!

I have decided to take a deep breath and show my "bald" photo. As we wait for spring I know I do not want to be wearing hot hats etc all the time and evetually someone will sho up at the house and see me as I am! so lets just get it over with. If Brittany can show it all so can I!!

AS for post chemo everything is going just great this time! Have obviously found the right "cocktail for me! Some slight queasyiness but no real nausea and more important no pucking!!!!! Very tired and out of it with these drugs but I think it is a good trade off.

Did I mention that my port-a-cath has become my new best friend, every bit of pain getting it was well worth it as access was a breeze!! I love it and it is healing well with no sign of the dreaded infection I was so worried about!
Hope you are all having as good a day as me, lazing about in bed with some computer time!
later kids
SHirley

2nd Chemo done!

so far so good! It has now been over 6 hours since my chemo finished and I feel just fine. No nausea, no vomiting. I have to admit I was extrenley hunger again but tempered it a bit and just had a small meal at supper, and lots of dry crackers, popsicles and rice cakes since coming home. Drinking fluids as required to flush the epirubicin and cyclophospamide.
They equipped me with a whole new arsenol of drugs, to try to prevent side effects, all of which have warnings for drowsiness, and they are what they say......extreme drowsiness is right! I came home and went to bed and slept until after Rob came home at 4. I all really zonked but trying to sit up for awhile and update you all, while I can. I can handle sleep much bettter than sleep and puking!!! Forgive me any spelling or grammar fauz pahs! One of the scripts I have , but have not filled is for an oral equivalent of marajauna and she said if I have access to feel free to smoke it if I become nauseated! am I dreaming or is life looking up! LOL, intotal I think I have 7 drugs lined up on my dresser and still one yet filled. Here is hoping! If this goes well then I should be good to go to Hamilton at the end of the month!

Well thats it for now, will give you an update in the morning if possible but I am heading back to bed.
later kids
Shirley
ps don't pay any attention to the timelines on here I don't know how to change them!!

Deed Done!

Well I have done the deed and my hair is no longer a part of me! I decided to take the clippers to it today myself rather than waiting for Rob to come home to do it, in case I needed a private moment. It actually was not as momentous or emotional as I was expecting! I have always had a birthmark at my scalp line at the back of my head, but I NEVER knew it was so big!! Lots of little stubble to take care of yet but will get Rob to help with that later tonight. Not brave enough to post a picture yet but I will eventually.
later kids
Shirley

Nothing really new today to tell you. I am feeling good, trying to drink my water that I have to have before chemo tomorrow. Other than that am busy trying to get a few things done around the house in expectation of having some down time.
I got out the clippers last night and just stared at them!! Still have hair although some really thin areas are showing through. Trying to decide whether to keep it for tomorrow or just get it off before I feel puky!
Got a parcel sent off to my daughter Michelle and her husband and grandbaby Vanessa, in Germany. They all have birthdays starting on March 29th then April 3rd and April 6th!! Included a few things for the new baby that is due May 4th! (couldn't help myself...baby shopping is such fun!) I have a few other little things to get done before tomorrow.

If it is like the last time, I will get a post off before I go down for the count....I had about 4-5 good hours post chemo last time before I got sick so hopefully this time is not as bad!
later kids
SHirley

Today I had to go for an abdominal ultrasound at the hospital. Was supposed to be a routine test but I have to tell you I left with some bad vibes! I don't profess to know anything about these things but I was getting awfully nervous as the tecxh was spending an inordinate amount of time in one area measuring and taking pictures he kept doing it over and over. Maybe that is normal and thorough but it left me wondering!! When it was over he started asking me if I had history of bladder or kidney infections. I have only had one in my life and that was many years ago...about 1988. ?? Now I have to wait until I see a doctor again to get some reassurance/answers I guess. Who would have thought I would be anxious for a chemo day just to see a doctor!!

On a brighter note...I still have hair today...hanging on by a thread! lots of hair in the tub after shampooing but still more on my head than off. I feel like I live in a house full of cats or something and am constanly trying to wipe hair off my face! Soon this will get to me more than losing my hair and bam! it is out of here!
Have a good one!
Shirley

Well I am trying to add a picture of the pre bald do! having some trouble bear with me ... WOW that's big!

....well I managed to get it smaller so you are not too overwhelmed!

I have decided that today is to be a day of commemoration ( if that is a word!) and a good day to start journaling my journey with breast cancer. Over the past few days my hair has been slowly thinning and yet today it is coming out full tilt and will probably be gone in a day or so unless I take matters into my own hand and buzz it off. I have known that this day was coming yet am reluctant to give in to it at this point.
On Thursday, my sister Melissa took me to St Joseph's Hospital in London for the insertion of a port-a-cath. It was implanted in the right side of my chest and is a lot more painful than I expected! This was done to try and preserve the veins in my right arm and will be the access for all further chemo. Speaking of which, the second is fast approaching. I will be having chemo again on Tuesday, March 6, so expect to be out of communication for a day or two if it is anything like the first time.
Once I get the hang of this blog thing I will try and post a picture of my "new" short hairdo...and if brave enough will post when it is gone!
Stay tuned....
Shirley